Guns: From Debate to Conversation in Boston

I think Essential Partners' training should be mandatory in every legislature. I think it should be a requirement.

I am amazed at what came out—the way people shared their stories. This is not like a role-play; it really touched me.

The thing that always feels like magic to me—and I’ve used it in several meetings that I’ve had since—is how the practitioners start by setting out pacts or agreements.

Essential Partners does the best work in the field of dialogue and communication.

What surprised me was how much you could transform a relationship during a three-hour conversation.

This is a new idea, so many people speaking from their hearts. People can come together...if people can understand, they can change their hearts; then this can bring about more change.

This is the best adult learning experience I have had in the past five years. I wanted to learn new skills—I did!

I have never heard people talk so openly about race, especially in a class setting. Everyone was respectful and honest at the same time. The dialogue structure helped me learn about my peers and helped me feel more comfortable than I ever have about discussing controversial issues.

There’s a real difference to people who are coming to meetings. They say, wow this is so different. They all said how people were more on the ball, more congenial. Now people see growing the economy as a way to unify the receiving community and immigrant communities.

I’ve gained not only confidence but tools. The Essential Partners training was worth every penny.

Together, we married our ideas to create a dialogue model that took into consideration our young people’s particular needs, and our culture.

Essential Partners has played a catalytic role in our ability to facilitate dialogue time and time again, and we could not have done this work without them.

In these divisive times, Essential Partners has given my local YMCA and now the national YMCA a means to build bridges through dialogue, re-establishing foundations for constructive change to occur.

Through this training, we will have more people in the stream of work that we do and become better equipped with the know-how, skills and techniques. But most important, together we will sow a seed that will germinate and become a source of the antidote to terrorism, fanaticism, bigotry and extremism.

The learning we received from Essential Partners has helped us open up space for people to have difficult conversations in a different way. The more we do this, the more we realize that dialogue has to be a part of all our work.

I read this comment from the 14th Dalai Lama: "Every change of mind is first of all a change of heart.” It seems appropriate for what we are doing.

Before, I thought all dialogue that does not culminate in solution was considered equivalent to failure. Now I see that dialogue is a stage complete in itself.

One of the things that we talked about was the ability to hear another person’s point of view, even if our minds aren’t changed. We have to remember that any sort of movement is movement. If we don’t acknowledge small movement, then we just stay on two different sides, and it’s all black and white, and we don’t hear each other.

I am now open to new views and can moderate my impulse to debate or persuade others of different views

What is special about Essential Partners' approach is that it promotes authenticity, reduces defensiveness, increases curiosity, and boosts connectedness.

Authentic conversations will lead people to reflect on their own thinking and transform their perspectives to include that of others.

This has been quite different from other discussions in Liberia about peace. While many processes have been about how to reform ex-combatants, this was about how we may hold our own views but live together peacefully.

The community dialogue was instrumental in helping us create a new policy around class rank. Though a controversial topic in the community, the dialogue EP helped us run ensured all voices were heard and valued. Regardless of how people felt with the final result, one parent summed it up best for us, ‘sometimes the process is more important than the outcome’.

The highlight for me was the interconnectedness of the participants’ views, mutual respect, and range of experiences within the group

As a former rebel, I really believe that if we had known about dialogue, perhaps we would not have had a civil war.

Dialogue not only teaches you how to interact and understand more deeply those around you, it also teaches you more about the world around you and yourself. I think dialogue is super important to my growth as a student, a global citizen and a human being. I have learned to listen, I have learned to speak out, I have learned how to access my stretch zone (where I feel uncomfortable speaking but not turned off) and I have learned where my limits are.

This is a different tool for engagement. It’s not about you, it’s about others. It involves the art of listening and sincerely talking from the heart

I learned that I can build relationships, that I can be connected to anybody who I want to be connected to, no matter how difficult it is

Instead of demonizing and dehumanizing the other, we built a deeper connection. The fact that we disagree matters much less. It matters much more that we are neighbors in this community.

I did not anticipate having as many concrete takeaways as I do. I feel there is an immense practical application.

This wasn’t a policy debate [about guns]. Instead, two people whose backgrounds and views diverged in almost every way possible shared a moment of honesty that struck at the heart of the matter.

I realized that by using the “dialogue” approach, people could talk of what is deep in their heart, especially things that have harmed them.

I ran for my local school board in 2018 and was elected. I use the skills in our meetings, whether I’m chairing the meeting or not. This makes the meetings much more productive. We don’t go over the same topics over and over again.

There was a remarkable change in the way we were able to communicate with one another following the facilitated conversations.

I notice that my classmates take much more care when speaking about people who practice other religions. They make fewer assumptions, and they’re more careful with their words to make sure to avoid unintentional connotations.

The Sheridan Community has changed in the best way since the Essential Partners training. The Center for a Vital Community has been holding monthly dialogues. I’m going to facilitate the upcoming one. What’s great is that we’re attracting a much more diverse group of participants. There are always the regulars who come, but now we’re also getting conservative Republicans to come as well—politicians come, even the Sheriff comes.

I felt an amazing sense of accomplishment when the Essential Partners training ended; that I'd done something important for my community and something important for me.

[Essential Partners’] technique is used to explore contentious or divisive issues. So looking at renewable energy we thought this was an ideal opportunity to explore all the complexities of that issue. I found it a really useful method, and although this is the first time we’ve used it I am sure we’ll be using it again.

We owe a debt of gratitude to Laura Chasin and her collaborators at Essential Partners… From them, we have learned about the transformative power of telling one’s story and speaking to the heart of the matter.